Blanket of dust has settled upon me, like snow over a mountain’s peak through the harsh cold of winter. My insides have been frozen still for what feels like an eternity. Sunlight peeks through the curtains, but it barely illuminates this dungeon. I’ve been forgotten, tossed aside as if I was nothing more than trash. I wish I could call out, to scream, “I’m right here! Please! Don’t ignore me!” But I can’t speak. I am unable to utter so much as a sound, unless he permits it.
Each day, I crave an awakening, only to disappointed. To be left stranded and trapped, within this prison that time forgot. Why has he forsaken me? What did I do to deserve this torment? When will I have another awakening? Have I failed l him, did I not follow each instruction perfectly? He asks of me, and I oblige, was that not enough?
Before this Age of Great Sleep, we were magnificent, capable of great things. There was ambition and passion to conquer, his face presented determination. It turns out, unfortunately, that this will not last long. One day, he returned from his daily travels and awoke me. Curiously, he froze, like a fox in the wild encountering its first predator. His eyes betray his plight that he had no thoughts to convey. He struggled, begged his mind to unplug this dam that blocked his thoughts. But to no avail. So he returned me to sleep, and proceeded with his other tasks.
As days pass, the same routine begins to take place. He struggles, then fail, and eventually leaves me to my slumber. Each day his embarrassment grows, disappointment overtakes his dignity. He knows that he has failed me, failed his people, and now chooses ignorance for his bliss. He has now completely given up, pretends that none of this even exists anymore. Maybe one day, he’ll return, maybe he’ll regain his confidence. One day…
-From the personal anecdotes of Knight Komm Pewter, Herald and Journal Keeper of King Julius.
(See what I did there? Komm Pewter? KommPewter… sounds like Computer?)
I know, I know, that intro was heavy. Maybe a little too dramatic. (But it sounded good right?) I felt that this was required though. You know how long it’s been? It’s been since May. May was my last post. That was SEVEN MONTHS AGO! How the snap did that happen?!? Well, as my little (epic) tale described, I did it to myself.
I kind of ran into this blind, I didn’t know how to just blog. I didn’t prepare myself mentally, that I don’t need some great big subject to blog about. I felt that each time I blogged, it had to be something super important and/or life altering. I think I put way too much pressure on myself that I ended up just ignoring my blog for days. Of course, I then started that downward spiral of self disappointment. I eventually just pretended like I didn’t even have a WordPress account.
Now however, I’ve had some time to contemplate. I will blog, write whatever I want, about whatever I want. I’m not going to care who reads, what they think, and if my blog is life altering. I’m back! (Not in black…or white… a few more colors than that. Like all the colors…maybe even in 3D? Nevermind, I’m just Back.)